Ladies' Luck
by Mr. Semaj
Summary: Meg, the unluckiest girl on Quahog, is in for the worst after seeking help from an incompetent gypsy. Instead, all the luck seems to be going to her worst rival, Connie Demico.
1. Ladies' Luck 1

**Ladies' Luck**

Chapter 1

One day, Meg was going thru another typical day at James Woods High School. She was walking down the hall by herself, and she saw girls from "the populars", led by Connie Demico, talking by a locker. They were talking about guys. Meg went up to them and told them that she liked guys, too. There was a brief moment of silence, as they expected Meg to leave, but Meg stayed, eagerly waiting a response. Then one girl scoffed at her. She then talked about how "the populars" only speak to girls with girlfriends, that of which [they didn't know that] Meg possessed. Meg then spoke up and told them that she's still going out with Jeff, the nudist she met. Another girl asked if Neil was still lusting after her. Meg answered, claiming that she could care less about "that geek".

At that time, Neil was opening his locker, to reveal a secret shrine of Meg Griffin that he had been keeping. He sighed, hoping for the day where Meg would ask for his hand in marriage, that of which seemed highly unlikely.

Connie spoke up, and said that they only talk to girls with REAL boyfriends. She was still going out with Doug. She then dissed Meg, and all the girls laughed and walked off. Meg just sighed forlornly.

Later that day, when Meg came home, she noticed a bunch of holes in the walls. They were scattered across the living room, and led upstairs. Then, the bulk of the holes led right to her room. What happened? Well, Peter was having a showdown...with a fly! Meg screamed at what Peter was doing. Peter then explained that this is what happens when annoying insects mess with his food. A brief flashback revealed Peter about to bite into a bologna, ham, salami, and cucumber sandwich with honey mustard. A fly landed on his sandwich. Peter just glared at the fly with ominous eyes, as he took out a large rifle... Meg then started crying, as Peter left the room slowly. Just then, the fly landed on his nose. Peter loaded his gun, and aimed. As Meg was still crying in her room, the gun went off.

Later, in the evening, the Griffins were watching TV on the family couch. Peter had his whole face wrapped with bandages. They were watching an episode of "My Wife and Kids". In the episode, Michael was trying to ask the kids how to get his wife the right birthday present. Just then, a little kid named Franklin came in. He started by playing Mozart on the piano. Then, he went over to the couch, where the kids were, and kissed Kady. Franklin then asked Michael what was wrong. Michael told him how he was trying to think of how to earn a diamond necklace for his wife's birthday. He then said that she would file for divorce if he didn't get it. Franklin then started to give Michael some advice, but turned it into a really corny joke. Nobody was laughing; all that could be heard were the crickets. Michael made an evil glare on his face...He grabbed Franklin, took him into the bathroom, and flushed him down the toilet. He then grabbed his coat and headed out the door, deciding then to take his chances at the nearest casino. Brain saw this scenario, and commented that "they finally gave that little fugger what he deserved". Chris then said that Claire, the teenage daughter, was hot.

Just then, Meg came out of her room in her pajamas. She came downstairs to get a glass of milk. She was really tired and downtrodden. Lois then saw Meg, and asked what was wrong with her. Peter tried to speak, but all he was doing was mumbling something that nobody could understand. Stewie then said that se must have finally been doing what everyone had dreamed of: going lesbian. Meg came out the kitchen with a whole carton of milk, and just went back to her room. Stewie then made a wise-crack about her practicing for a porno video. Everyone just burst out laughing. Peter mumbled something else under his bandages. Just then, the same fly came, landing on Peter's nose again. Peter grabbed a cattle prod. The house lit up, as a large glowing zap filled the living room, accompanied by Peter howling in pain.

_**(to be continued...)**_


	2. Ladies' Luck 2

**Ladies' Luck**

Chapter 2

The next day, Meg came home, with two spoiled eggs on her head. Peter was sitting on the couch with almost his whole body wrapped in bandages. This time, he had a bug zapper on the ceiling. Meg ran upstairs. Chris, who was looking at a large poster of Jennifer Nicole Freeman, was trying to masturbate off of it. Meg zipped by, breaking into tears. Chris then paused, thinking for a moment he smelled an omelet. Meg just jumped on her bed, and started crying. Lois came in, and asked her what was wrong. Meg explained to her that Connie kept giving her trouble in school. Lois then decided to go out to the Demicos' residence to give them a good talking to.

At the Demicos' house, Connie's parents were sitting on the couch watching TV, when they heard a knock at the door. They answered, and it Lois was there. She asserted herself in, asking for Connie. Connie was in her room, throwing darts at a picture of Meg on the wall. Her parents called her down. Connie came down, and saw Lois staring angrily at her. Lois asked why she keeps picking on Meg. Connie then said that it's because every time Meg tried to speak to her, she kept saying something negative about her piano-playing skills. Of course, piano-playing was Lois' #1 passion. She then had a change of heart, and asked for more. Connie then claimed that she had been punished Meg for criticizing piano-playing, which Connie lied to Lois about being her passion too. Lois then started saying how much of a nice daughter the Demico's had. Connie's parents read woodenly from a card about how wonderful their daughter was. They then looked at a hidden camera in the wall, leading to Connie's room. Connie then gave Lois a new piano song book that she grabbed out of nowhere. Lois thanked her, and headed off. She was then under the impression that Meg was the one lying, and over-dramatizing her problems the whole time. She tried to get back to time to give Peter his medicine. Back at home. Peter was still sitting motionlessly on the couch. The same fly came by yet again, this time, getting attracted by the bug zapper on the ceiling. The zapper killed the fly instantly, and Peter grunted triumphantly. Then the ceiling was giving way, and the zapper land right on top of Peter's noggin...

The next day, Meg was heading off to school. She then heard Connie's voice buzzing around in her head. At first, she tried to ignore it, but then the voices grew louder. Meg then screamed. She just tossed her backpack on the ground, and decided to skip school altogether. She ran throughout Quahog until she came to a gypsy retail store. She went in, and she saw a woman at the counter. She was dusting off an old baboon paw. Meg asked for her help. The gypsy took Meg to her crystal ball, and asked her what the problem was. Meg then explained, as tears rolled don her face, about how rotten her life was. She explained how the kids at school pick on her, and how she's abused by her own family. She then told of how Lois grounded her yesterday for supposedly lying about the bullying she's been getting at school. The gypsy then rubbed her crystal ball. The ceiling formed dark clouds spinning above. The gypsy summoned the "great spirits". As they looked into the ball, the gypsy revealed that Meg would grow up to be rich and popular. She would be the world's hottest superstar, and all of the hottest men would want her. She then revealed that a curse would be put upon her worst enemy, which would be Connie. Meg brightened, then thanking the gypsy for her help. The gypsy then charged her $75. Meg's jaw dropped.

Meg was feeling unusually confident as walked back home. She went upstairs, and called Jeff. Meg then told him that she was breaking up with him, claiming to be expecting fame and fortune to reach her real soon. She was expecting to get a date with a hot boy at school the next day. Jeff just dropped the phone, and started crying his heart out.

_**(to be continued...)**_


	3. Ladies' Luck 3

**Ladies' Luck**

Chapter 3

The next day, Meg was home alone. The Griffins were gone away for the weekend. The guys were visiting Peter's mother, while Lois was visiting the Swansons' for the night. She was spending extra time with Bonnie after it was revealed that Bonnie's pregnancy was due to last for up to 9 _years_ (instead of the biologically correct 9 months)! Meg walked downstairs as she was headed to the kitchen. Just then, a giant piano fell down the banister! Meg managed to lift up the piano, just straining to keep it from felling on her. She then sneezed, and the piano smashed her. Meg was trapped under the piano. Her head was sticking out the bottom of the piano, right under the keyboard. It turned out that the fallen piano was a trap set in advance by Stewie, in his never-ending attempts to kill Lois. She tried calling for help. No one answered. Meg tried screaming as loud as should could, but still nobody heard her. She was all alone.

Two hours later, the doorbell rang. Nobody answered, so the person just opened the door and walked right in. It was Connie. She came to talk to Meg about tattling on her the other day. Just then, she noticed Meg lying under the piano. Connie started taunting her. Meg desperately begged Connie to help her. Connie, seeing what a pathetic position Meg was in, told her that she would _never_, ever become popular, not in her entire lifetime. Meg pleaded to Connie to make her popular. Connie walked up to her, and took off her sandals. She placed her right foot on Meg's face, during which she repeated to Meg how she was doomed to be a loser forever. Connie continued rubbing her foot on Meg's face, hoping she would get the message. Meg weakly surrendered to her degree. Connie then lied down on the floor, and placed both of her feet on Meg's head, using it as a foot stool. Connie used Meg's head as a foot stool all day and thru the night.

The next morning, Connie got up to use the bathroom. During the time she was in the bathroom, Lois came home from the Swansons' house. At first, she didn't notice Meg under the piano. Meg called for her. Lois then noticed Meg under the piano. Meg explained how a piano fell out of nowhere, and how Connie came in and had been abusing her while she was alone. Lois sighed, and just calmly told Meg that she couldn't do anything to help her. She was totally convinced that Connie was a sweet little angel. Just then, Connie came out of the bathroom, she was still out of her sandals. She said "hi" to Lois. Lois started to ask how/why Meg was trapped under the piano. Connie quickly escaped trouble by telling Lois instead why she was visiting. She claimed that she was dying to hear some of Lois' "heavenly music". She had a very powerful way of flattering people. Lois was easily won over, and offered to play her some songs. Meg screamed in disbelief. No one paid any attention to her. Lois told Connie to grab a piano stool. She then took off her own shoes. After Connie grabbed a stool, they both took a seat. Lois put her sweaty feet on Meg's head to relax them. As she started to play music, she tapped her feet on Meg's head to the rhythm, much to Meg's discomfort. Lois played a _long _selection of songs for almost three hours, as she and Connie sang along.

Later that day, Lois and Connie were still sitting on the stool, but just to relax. Lois still had her feet on Meg's head, as she was also using her head as a foot rest. Connie started to say how much she loved Lois. Lois put her hand on Connie's shoulder, and declared her to be her new daughter. Meg screamed again is disbelief, but Lois hushed her by putting her feet over her mouth. Connie claimed that her real parents were planning to put her up for adoption anyway; they grew weary of being bullied by a selfish daughter. Lois and Connie then decided to have a mother-daughter slumber party. From then on, Connie was the new daughter of the Griffin family, while Meg was out of the family.

That night, after they got into their pajamas, Lois placed a smaller TV and a VCR/DVD on the piano's keyboard, and they were able to watch TV by the piano. They sat on the ground near where Meg's head was. Again, Lois used Meg's head as a footstool. Lois and Connie watched movies for most of the night, while munching on popcorn and Doritos and drinking pop. All the while, Meg had the displeasure of looking up her ex-mom's nightgown.

The next day, they moved the TV and VCR/DVD off of the piano keyboard. They were playing more tunes for a while, as Lois kept up with the rhythm by patting her feet on Meg's head. After a while, they stayed on the stool to relax. That came to be their new relaxing spot. Connie was then telling stories of all of the embarrassing things Meg did at school. Each story got a bigger laugh out of Lois. Each time she laughed, she would pat her feet on Meg's head. Meg remained mute the whole, as there seemed to be no hope for her. She then remembered the fortune she got from the gypsy a few days ago. At the time, the gypsy was being arrested for consumer fraud. The police questioned her on who was the last person she used her magic on. They gypsy explained how it was a young girl, wearing a fuchsia head cap. But suddenly, she remembered the fortune she used on Meg, and it turned out that she used the magic in reverse. Instead of Meg receiving eternal good luck and Connie eternal bad luck, it was the other way around. The gypsy was hauled off in a paddy wagon for question from the FBI. Back at home, Connie was finishing up her stories. Lois laughed, patting Meg on the head with her feet numerous times. Connie told Lois that she loved her, even calling her "mommy". Lois said that she loved her "baby girl" too. They side-hugged each other, as Lois wiggled her toes on Meg's head. Meg just sulked, as all hope had been gone for her.

And so, Meg's fate was sealed. It turned out that her visit to the gypsy set a reverse spell on her destiny. This was a lesson to her how not to resort to fortune telling advice, no matter how much she wanted to be popular. Now, Lois and Connie spent as much time together as possible. Some of it was spent with Bonnie, was she was settling in for a near-permanent pregnancy. At home, the Griffins continued life as usual, except without Meg. Lois and Connie spent most of their time at the piano with their shoes off. Meg, however, spent the rest of her days as Lois' personal footstool.

**The End**


End file.
